Meditation

Okay, I thought I would do a spanking post.  Well, it didn't start out in my head as a spanking post, but as I contemplated it more, I thought, yes!  This is going to end up being about spanking!

No, there is no spanking going on over here.  When you are barely finding energy for sex, you are grateful to just check off the basics (like more than one orgasm ;0 ).  But this is not about that.  It is about meditation.

Recently I have noticed that information on meditation has been finding me.  Truly, I have not been seeking it and yet, everywhere I look, there it is.  Two books in my recent readings have had characters that are meditation masters.  People who meditate by just sitting.  I have become enamored with this thought.

Sitting still - what a concept.

I can barely sit when I am actually conversing with someone and enjoying myself.  I feel like I have to jump up every few minutes and find something to do.  And this is about just sitting.  Quietly.  Not even talking.

In addition to these books, more than one of my friends on Facebook have recently attended silent retreats.  For whole weekends!  No distractions, no electronics, just quiet.  To me that sounds both amazing and horrifying.

I really do appreciate the fact that I'm a much more balanced individual when I can find ways to clear my mind.  I used to take Tai Chi and in one class, the instructor routinely had us spend 10 or more minutes doing "standing meditation".  When I first started the class, all I could think about was how much my thighs were shaking as we just stood there, knees slightly bent, back straight and eyes forward.  But within a few months, I was able to go with it and get to a more thoughtful place.

In the last two years, I have moved from active meditation at class to a more passive form - attending an orchestral presentation, or keeping classical music on in the house and the car.  I find that I can lose myself in good music and reach a similar clearing of the mind.  A really good concert can leave me feeling refreshed all week long.

Which brings me back to spanking.  When H and I started our initial contract, I (ahem) wheedled my first spanking out of him within a few days.  After the ice was broken (so to speak), we practiced maintenance spankings, good girl spankings and pleasure spankings for most of the next year and a half. I'll tell you what, I took to spanking like I was born for it.  (A true spanko?  Who knows - I didn't fantasize about it when I was younger or any of the other stuff you hear about, but once I had it, I wanted more.  Ever more.)

Because of my spanking aptitude, I just figured I was a pain slut.  I gloried in the pain of it, the burn on my bottom/thighs for days and I continually requested that H keep pushing those boundaries.  But just today, I realized (or maybe I re-realized - like I knew it once and I forgot) that spanking and pain are a kind of meditation.

To get through a hundred lashes from the flogger, you have to focus in.  And the pain is like the music, it fills up the head and then you float away on it.

So yes, maybe I AM a pain slut.  Or maybe, I just really need ways to clear my mind.  Perhaps it is a whole lot of both.

(I miss spanking.  But not so much that I want to seek out another way to find it.  A year ago, I didn't think I would ever live without it again.  Strange the difference a year can make.  Anyway, in the meantime, the orchestra and the books and the sitting are all providing some of that.)

Silent Spanking

Hi There!

I have decided to stop actively maintaining this page.  I was running two pages and starting to feel like I was:

A - Spending too much time on the computer and
B - Slightly schizophrenic - since I approached each page differently.

This blog will remain up and I think there are still things on it that I will be referring to and referencing from time to time.

For now, the foreseeable future - you may find me over at Kitty - The Submissive Wife and kittythesubmissivewife-at-gmail.com.  If this link breaks, there is a link up there in the wine glass as well.  I hope to see you over there.

Kitty

P.S.  Silent Spanking is the number one search term that brings people here, and in the interest of furthering knowledge in that particular area, you should know, the silent ones are the most painful.  (Whether or not that is a good thing is well, not something I am going to comment on.)

Just an FYI IMHO.

Fortune Cookie

How come I don't get fortune's like this???

Silent Spanking

There were two instances this week when H had some spanking to do and there was no time that we were going to be without J, our amazing funny lovable son.  Time to get serious about making something happen without making so much noise.

So H brought out the feather tickler to test its noise level.

I actually love this tickler - both sides.  Note that the handle is tightly bound with ribbon, making it a touch less "whippy".  He has used it most effectively during our lovemaking in the past.  In fact, the first time I ever came from spanking alone, it was with this.

I had just come from the shower, all warm and relaxed.  He invited me to kneel on the seat of the chair.  I had my hands on the back and my bottom sticking out a bit.

"Very nice."

A Good Girl, Bad Girl Toy

STING.  STING.  STING.  AAAAAH!  OOMPH.   HOLY.... GAH!
STING.  STING.  STING.  GASP, GASP, GASP.  OH MY, WHIMPER.

And H stopped.  Six was apparently enough.  There were very detailed, very precise red stripes straight across my bottom.  I thought, Hey, you should take a picture of that.

"It is quieter!"

Yeah, but I'm not....

So, when he brought it out the second time, I was like, "Seriously?"

Seriously.

I was looking for a picture of one on Eden Fantasy (so that you would not have to suffer mine above) and I could not find one, but I did find something similar that was titled "Fresh Feather Crop."

Dammit, I was striped with a crop.  With no warm up whatsoever.  WTH?!?!?!!

But.............

10 minutes later (both times), I was gushing wetness.  I had to wear panties.  (And I hate underwear!)

Once again, something uncomfortable during, but completely engrossing in retrospect.

Sigh.  I guess if I am being honest, I have to tell the whole story.  H had some spanking to do in two instances because I asked for an additional spanking this week.  I asked the evening after the first feather riding crop incident.

AND I keep thinking of that silent thing PK bought on purpose.

Oh Lordy, what is going on with me?  SMH.

____________________________________________________


If you are reading this and you have information on or can link me to other posts discussing the body's changing sensitivities, please help.  I imagine that things smart more during your period, but does recently getting out of the shower have an impact, the time of day, age, fairness of skin, anything else???  Thanks in advance.

Also, I am enjoying all the answers in March Q&A month, and I hope you know you can always ask me questions, but just in case you were waiting to be invited, this is your invite.  As I understand it, anything goes.

Hmmm, I guess not.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I thought maintenance had served its purpose and let H know so that He could take it under advisement.

Hmmm, I guess not.

Once again, He brought coffee and a spanking to the office.  I thought I might have been out of it when He said that He had to go.  I turned to my computer to start working and then noticed He was still standing there.

"It's Tuesday."

I know that.  I never forget these things.  And so we got the maintenance on - and a couple of things I should note (if we are being honest):

1. I thought He went light on the number of spanks and I was both relieved and disappointed.  (I can never count and am not required to, so I could be wrong.)

2. I welcomed the idea of the slapper that we have, but He wanted His hand.  Turns out it smarts a bit too.

3.  I would have been disappointed if He hadn't done it.  (Take that for what it's worth.)

Thank you, Sir.  (A bit begrudgingly.)

Picture Credit to Red Ended Girls.

Spankings, Spankings Everywhere

I think Maintenance Spankings are becoming a bit of a pain in the ass.  Pun intended.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE knowing that no matter what, three times a week I am getting my bottom smacked.  I don't know why I love that, I just know I do.  H and I have both accepted that.  And I hope they continue to be a priority

However, let's talk about the last four spankings I have had:

Saturday on vacation - our first outdoor adventure.  We were hiking and found a quiet place that I thought, well, this would be perfect for a spanking.  H thought so too, but then He decided to scout about a bit more for an even better place... and well, we ran into a thousand other hikers.  (Okay, not a thousand, but a few seemed like a lot when you are thinking about an outdoor spanking.)

Eventually, we found our way back to the original quiet place and even though it wasn't as quiet, we went ahead and did it.  After, we heard people above us who may not have seen anything, but they were likely to have heard it.  I have a great picture H took of me right after, where my shoulders are dropped, my head is down and my bottom is bare.  The relaxing of the body compared to the picture before the spanking is very apparent.

Rating - Good.  Up for being out doors; Down for being frustrated by the search for the perfect spot.

Sunday on vacation - this was the morning after the Lap Dance and we were both a little "dry" from too much alcohol the night before.  The hotel had no in-room amenities, so H was on His way downstairs to find some water and coffee.  He said, "I need some water and to take my pills."

Knowing how long the lines were downstairs and that He would be in a rush to get out the door to our tee time when He got back, I said, "What about my spanking?"  Sunday is a maintenance day.

He said, "Bend over."

"Right now??"

"Yes.  I need some water and to take my pills."  Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack...

And then He left to get some water and to take His pills.

Rating - Fair.  No touching, talking or kissing.  Of course, later in the day, H said that He thought it was kind of fun.  Like remembering to turn off the oven before running out the door.  Hmmm...

Tuesday back at home - A quickie that I already detailed.

Rating - Good.  It happened and I got coffee.  :)

Thursday (today) at home - Last night, H told me he had an early appointment and my first thought was what about my maintenance spanking?  He said we would just have to get up early.  Well, J (our son) also got up early, making me all kinds of crabby.  I get on a mission sometimes about this spanking business.

H turned on the music in the kitchen and I got J eating his breakfast.  I came in the back where H had music on as well and closed the door to the office, ready to be spanked.

And H decided to dance with me.  He likes to dance, and I get that, but I was on a schedule... J can eat fast.

Frustrated, I pushed H back a bit and gave a really bitchy sigh.  So, H leaned me over and smacked away.  Then He touched my breasts and it was an amazing feeling.  And then we went on about our day.  I am not as stressed, but still, it felt a bit rushed and H was foiled in his romantic attempts.

(This puts me in mind of last night's post, on what does submission feel like, I am wondering if giving into H on the issue of romance would be submission to me?  I think it might, but I digress.)

Rating - Good.  Up for the touching, dancing and kissing; down for the worry about J and the tight scheduling.

Conclusion - Maintenance spanking is desirable for my moods right now, but I am just a little too worried about making sure it happens.  Perhaps I don't trust H to make it a priority and I am not sure if that is fair or not.

Also, it seems to be replacing sex as we have had less and less of that lately, but I need to withhold judgement on that - energy at the end of the day is so not what it once was between vacation activities, busy times at work and busy schedule for J.

Sex after the spanking - that is definitely something I want.  We have energy in the morning and spanking gets my whole body tingling.  The cuddling, touching, etc. just further inflames my desire.  I have only been allowed two blow jobs since we began maintenance and it is not enough.  I suspect H thinks that if we have sex then, nothing else will get done the whole day.

Spanking with the sex - that is also desired - H was rubbing me last night to help me relax and I kept thinking, "A good smack would be nice right about now."

Oh, who knew that I was such a spanko?

And to make a long post even longer - I have no way to end this other than to reiterate my beginning - I think Maintenance Spankings are becoming a bit of a pain in the ass.

All pictures courtesy Spank-OTK on Tumbler.

Quickie

It is maintenance Tuesday.  I knew (hoped!) that H had not forgotten, but with company still in the house from vacation, I wondered if I would have to wait until they left.

As I was leaving for work, H said, "I'll go get you a coffee and bring it by your work."

I got to work and pulled out the slapper that we found last week and put it on my desk, just in case H thought I forgot.  Or in case He forgot.

He showed up and I pointed at it, "Where did you want to store this?"

He said, "Oh, in a drawer.  Wait.  It IS Tuesday."

"Yes it is."  Did He forget????

"That is why I'm here."  He did not forget.

He took me into the server room where we have a chair for this very purpose.  I pulled up my skirt and bent over and He used the slapper on me.  A lovely sting on my bottom and a slight wettening in my pussy.

H:  "I like this.  I don't have to swing as hard and I get the same effect."

I reached over and brushed His hardened cock.  "The same effect?"

Then He left to take company back to the airport for their trip home.

Just a quickie, but I have a bottom that smarts (in a good (no, great) way) AND coffee.

What more could a girl ask for?

Ouch!

We have company staying this weekend to watch the kid while H and I take off for a few days... yay!  In preparation last night, we pulled out all the toys to figure out what to take and what to hide away.

First of all, we are missing a drawer somewhere.  Either that, or some things have wandered off???

It looks just like this - pic from Eden Fantasys

Second of all, we found a lovely slapper that we had forgotten about.  H wondered if it was quieter than his hand and decided to give it a quick try.

One, NOT quieter.

Two, Ouch!

"That smarts."  Me.

"Are you complaining?" H.

Me - "What?  No!  That was just a status update.  Definitely not a complaint."

H.  "I like this one for your work.  It will fit nicely in a drawer."  So, it sits in my purse ready to go to work, where it will likely get used again.

And seriously, my bottom is a little tender from all the work sitting and maintenance Tuesday and well, ouch.  (Just a status update, not a complaint.  Really.)

I was also informed that while on vacation, we will have two maintenance spankings to make up for when H was sick.  If I have that right, between regular maintenance and the missed ones, I am getting spanked every day we are gone, except maybe Monday.  I think that sounds delightful.

(Hopefully, at least one sensual spanking as well - it's been a while.)

My Bottom Hurts

No, not from spanking - sorry.  From sitting all day - I worked 12 hours yesterday to make up for time lost while being sick and now I have re aggravated my cold.  Today is also looking like a long day.

We are planning a weekend away and I NEED to get better.  So does H.

I took the post, Breaking a Woman - Part III, down.  I just felt like it was too much. I am finished with that series for now.

Come to think of it, maybe my bottom does hurt from spanking.  I had my maintenance spanking on Sunday and it smarted for a bit longer than it has been.  I moved my ass into the spanking and inadvertently drew some smacks on my upper thighs.  That plus the all day sitting makes for a sore tushy.

My bad.

Spank Me Please

I can not believe it, but I am staring at Him, and even though He is feeling a bit better, He is by no means better.  Even sick, He is sexy to me.  And I am randomly reading spanking blogs - just found 1950's Housewife - hilarious.

So, of course, having missed maintenance this week, and with the reading material - I start wondering - He isn't really THAT sick, is He?  He could spank me.

Oh my.  What is wrong with me?  So selfish.  But I don't think He minds - I know He would if He could.

Love You.  Get better soon.

Transitions

Tuesday morning was one of the best mornings in a while and it was followed by one of the worst nights in a while.  I think I have figured out what is going on there.

That morning, maintenance spanking was re-instituted and I received some nice over the knee swats.  It was preluded with the rubbing and admiration of my ass and my clothing followed by the spanking.  While there was some pain during the actual getting, I found myself pushing my bottom up more to receive after the second one.

As with all sexual play, the more you initiate enjoyment, the more you get and having my ass a bit higher in the air (having to hold it off His lap) helps.  (As a side note, I did the same thing this morning and yes, it is a right move for me.)

After the spanking was over, we spent a few minutes together and I ended up on my knees in front of Him with His cock in my mouth.  Again, I got into it as I imagined sucking the greatest lollipop ever and took it all the way deep for as long as I could.  Eventually, He was close to coming and it thickened even more and I had to let a little bit out of my throat as I swallowed everything He had to give me.

I am being detailed about the blow job, because that is exactly how I experienced it - with a great deal of observation about the changes in His body and my reaction to it.  I was totally into sucking it as well as I could.  I have mentioned before that I love to go down on Him, but Tuesday, it was a whole different thing.

I left for my day and spent the whole commute (which was longer than usual as I had off-site work to do) with my head in the clouds.  I don't think it was subspace per se, but the adrenaline high that I got from having a spanking followed by me serving Him is different than anything I have ever experienced.  That is the first time that I have had both experiences at the same moment and then had to go function in society.  Usually, when lots of stuff is happening, sleep follows soon thereafter.

I did not for one minute mind that I was not "taken care of" because really, I was.  No, I did not orgasm, but I did get a whole lot of something.  I hope I get many more opportunities to serve all those roles as we go forward.

Extreme pleasure, Extreme let-down

So why was it the worst night?  Well, I need to figure out how to transition back to life.  And I don't mean work or other people - I did great at work - focused all day, got done what I needed to get done, had a nice evening with my family.

But I got to bed that night and man was I grouchy.  Or not grouchy, more irritated in a dissatisfied kind of way.  He had a full day and had gone to sleep earlier.  On my way in, He got up for a bit to see me, but it was just going to be a "normal" night.  We sleep, we cuddle, we are married.  You know.  For some reason, and I think this is the adrenaline crash talking here, I was just irritated.  That irritation led to all kinds of tossing, turning and random destructive thoughts.

I haven't figured out how to transition with Him.  We are not 24-7 D/s, we are bedroom only with some public attributes.  It was very important at the outset that we maintain our marital relationship throughout this discovery process.  But somehow, I feel like I always need to be ON or READY to be on, and I don't know how to just relax into being NOT on.  A transition would be helpful.

So, fabulous adrenaline rush in the morning - way overreacting to normality adrenaline crash in the evening.  I want to be His friend and partner and wife as well as His slave.  I just am not quite getting back at the same rate He is and when I do get there, it is not with the same equilibrium I had when I started.  To be honest, I don't really want to go back right now - I want to be played with endlessly - and that is likely cause this is a new toy for me.  (And of course, I crave the adrenaline!)

Maybe a stoplight would help - Red - slave; Yellow - be ready; Green - life.

Need

I need to be spanked.  I don't know why, but I do.  Unfortunately, I especially dislike needing things when I don't know why I need them.

Last night, I opened my big mouth and said that this whole spanking thing is a bit ridiculous, don't you think?  He just looked over at me.  Ridiculing what we don't understand is a basic human response, isn't it?  This doesn't mean that I don't desire it - I do!

I just don't understand my desire and that makes me think WTH was God thinking when he gave me this particular set of desires?

He said, THIS, this is why it has taken us years to get here - you can never make up your mind.

I wanted to say out loud and balked, somewhat, "We are here!  Put these thoughts out of my mind - take me in hand!"  (I love his hands.)  God, I was being bratty.

Maintenance spankings to commence today (Happy Valentine's Day!) which will be the first spanking in a week, but who's counting?  I suspect, and no, I still don't understand why, that everyone will feel better after.

Punished at the Office

I may have been trying to get a bit of a rise out of Him and in fact, He did show up about an hour ago.  He was on His way elsewhere, but He took me into the server room and explained to me one way that I had been rude today.

For those who don't know, I am required to blog, so that I can share and ask questions and learn and hear from others.  I actually have come to love to blog, so I always considered it a blessing that He made it a requirement.  However, I do need to remember to do the interacting piece of it - to be polite in the blogosphere, so to speak.

I misremembered my manners on that account today and I was told to kneel on a chair and received a spanking at His hand.

When He showed up, I was outside and I could see the purpose in His walk.  When I came back in, He was arranging the chair and I asked what He was doing.  He seemed agitated, before, during and after.

We are both agitated today.  For me, I miss the snuggle at night and in the morning that work has stolen from us this week - it has made me anxious and anxious is not conducive to healthy and supportive.  I needed that punishment, but perhaps it is not over yet.  Things still feel a bit unsettled.  And they have for a couple of days.

It all started...

It all started on Friday, a few weeks ago.  That Friday was the first full day of my contract with Him.  In accordance with the contract, I was dressed in a skirt, suspender nylons, heels, a lace bra. I was at work.  I was turned on.  The thought of my ass through the suspender nylons just amazed me.

Suspender Nylons from Leg Avenue - a Fantastic Product

I was never an ass girl until He came into my life.  The way He holds it, rubs it and reacts to it makes me love my ass.  And I was so aware of my ass that day.

It was day one and He came by three times.  Twice, He fingered me to orgasm.  He let me suck Him.  It was a great day.

In my head, though, I pictured Him leaning me over the desk and spanking it.  My ass.  Spanking it hard.  He pictured fucking it.  Hard.  Similar - not the same.

I did not expect the visuals to go in different directions - ones neither of U/us is opposed to, but different.  I don't think He expected that either.

That was the beginning.  We are totally figuring this out on the fly - which makes Him a bit nervous and me a bit impatient.  But we are figuring it out.

I will continue to indulge in blogging as I work my way through it with Him.

Maintenance Day 6

It is Day 6 of our week of Maintenance spanking and as I mentioned, we missed yesterday.  I totally felt the loss.  In discussions last night, I told Him, with some trepidation, that the spankings had not been hard enough the last few days.  It felt like an unusual thing to bring up, but feeling a burn on my bottom for a while after is important to me.

Today, He moved down a bit and aimed for the top of my thighs and it was harder.  I could not help crying out, "Ouch."  "Oomph."  I had to take a breath at the end before I could properly thank Him.  It is a while later and my body tingles, so in the end, I was right to say something, but oh man, it is scary to ask for more.

Naked honesty is a scary/good part of all of this.

Maintenance Discipline

While He works out the terms of the discipline rules, He has been providing maintenance discipline to me.  For this week, I am to be spanked each morning.  My bottom is a lovely red and a bit sore as I drive to work each day - this has helped me focus more and not drift into daydreams at work.  I have also worked harder to meet my commitments.  I really do desire the maintenance discipline.

Not U/us

For a variety of reasons - possibly because I was in the shower late this morning, I did not get spanked today.  And my ability to stay focused has suffered.  I am working hard at it - but not seeing any results.  I have just moved one work appointment an hour back in an attempt to recover, but instead of working, I am posting here.  Arggghhhh.

I am a little surprised at how much I crave the discipline and rely on it, since it is so new, but I have taken to it like a tongue to cock.  ;)

Okay, I am returning to work.  I must accomplish things today.

Please Sir

This post was originally posted in KITTY - The Submissive Wife and with it's posting, our contract of consensual slavery began to be modified to include Domestic Discipline.  Since W/we desire to keep the sexual submission and the DD separate, I am moving this post over to this new blog.  From here on out, the original post.

I know I am writing a lot, but I imagine that is expected during early days. I comfort myself with the thought that you will miss me as I become more mature/more experienced in submission. That is why I have this blog, I believe.

Today is going so weird. Patience is not one of my virtues and it is selfish of me to want too much too fast. Like I will then know everything He has in mind for me. And it will be over. Not over, but less of an unknown. He is smart though, so there is no way I will ever fully know what He has in mind. I like that about Him.

A corner is being put together. To stand in when I am to be punished. Anxiety, excitement, nerves... I know I am not wearing the right clothes today. So silly of me, but I haven't figured out what to wear - I had exercise class this morning and have been on the go since... of course, it doesn't mean I can't change. I can, but it feels forced and if nothing else, honesty prevails in all things submissive. At least for me.

So, this is the thing - even with the anxiety of the unknown, I composed a haiku in the shower this morning. Haiku is normally a verse (about nature, but I assume personal relations count as nature, right?) that has a five syllable, seven syllable, five syllable form. It appeals to my minor OCD of counting and from time to time, I create one. Almost always in the shower. Anyway, here it is:

I am being good
As best as I am able
Please Sir, spank me soon

So, take that for what it's worth and I guess the easiest thing to note, is that I am definitely on this ride. But know that sharing this is so very hard for me, as I do not know what response I am really inviting. Yes, the unknown has me in a twitter. I know we have to live our normal lives too, but this is so new that the distraction is overwhelming. Rendering me completely incoherent and somewhat helpless.

I am totally being tortured as I wait for the one who is patient - my Master - to decide to act next.

I REALLY should go change my clothes before He returns from His errands.