Because I am a Witch

I once saw a thing that said, tone over the Internet is hard to decipher, so when in doubt, just assume I am a bitch.

There is a vulnerability in D/d, I have seen many posts on it and I have felt it myself.  Maybe it is because we are trying something so different than many of us thought of when we were young.  Or maybe it is because, for the first time for many of us, we are being honest, even if we are being anonymous.

Anyway:  vulnerability + blog town = some miscommunication.

Add in the fact that I am naturally sarcastic and I find myself treading in comments really carefully and even pre-emptively apologizing.  I have hurt people without intention in face to face conversations, so I am sure that possibility exists here x10.

I joke when I say assume I am a bitch, when in reality, I am exactly the opposite, concerned almost too much about what others think.

Which puts me in mind of a bumper sticker I saw - Don't worry about what other people think, they don't do it that often.

Just something I was thinking about as I was lurking through blog town tonight.

Why Blog?

Lil at Submissive Sanctuary wrote on who she is blogging for today and it reminded me that I had been meaning to say something about this topic.  She does a nice job of describing how a blog changes when people start reading it, and I hope she doesn't mind if I add a thought or two.

One thing that I see in myself (and perhaps others) is the tendency to track readers.  Sex and drama, that brings them back.  Oh, and good pictures.

I was actually pleased today to find that someone had hit my submission blog after searching for:

"submissive wife" stockings dress -sissy -cuckold

 

What was that person looking for?  And more importantly, did they find it?  If it is you, please send me an e-mail at kittythesubmissivewife at gee mail and let me know!

 

I blogged initially because it was in the contract.  I was required to do so.  I see a lot of people with this requirement and I think that it has been helpful to me and to H.  He does not approve my blogs, but He does read them all after they post.  He never comments on them, which annoys me - like He gets to know what I think, but I don't get to hear His thoughts.  Oh wait, this IS a power exchange.  Never mind, H, I am not complaining.  :)

 

If I speak out of turn about something personal, I expect He would let me know, but so far, I have been allowed to have my own thoughts. This is not a comment on others who have blog approval requirements, but I have to believe that my stuff would read differently if H had to approve it first.

 

We would lose something in the honesty.

 

I also blog because I have had several pent up sexual questions inside of me for years and finally being allowed, nay encouraged, to air them has been like a breath of fresh air.  Funny thing is, I didn't know they were there until I had an outlet.  Kind of like seat warmers in the car.  If you have them, you know what I mean.

 

It turns out that blogging is not only about writing, but also about reading what others have to say and learning from them... Hey H, did you know you could make a butt plug out of some kind of root???  Please feel free to tell me if you have already explored a topic that I am writing about - I am here to learn as well as to share.

 

But, after all that, I blog for me.

 

This is a journal; it is a topical one about submission, sex, H and I.  Nothing more. 

 

Thank you for sharing our journey.

Waiting is the hardest part

I am not a patient person.  In fact, one might say that I am very impulse oriented.  This trait actually gets me in trouble more often than not, but I also think that it provides a good foil in my relationship with Him.  He is a patient person.  He apparently doesn't feel a need to know about or unwrap a present early.  He can wait to experience pleasure.

So, I have turned over my pleasure to Him and have agreed that He will have the responsibility of training, punishing, loving and using me as He sees fit.  I have agreed that I am not to request to service Him, or if I do, I may face punishment.  Under no circumstances whatsoever, may I ask twice.

This is hard for me.  However, His way has proven correct in this relationship over and over again, so I am trying to learn patience... He did reward me over the weekend for being good.  It is Monday, though, and my anxiety level is starting to register just a bit higher.

We had a fantastic weekend, really spending time together as friends, which is a blessing in any relationship - you have to nurture the friendship as well as the other areas.  I enjoyed it very much.

We just didn't do things within the D/s dynamic and that is fine, yet I still can't help wishing for some of those things.  Because I never fully appreciate what I have.  I am always looking forward to the next thing.  Le sigh.

I was over at this blog this morning and I liked how this couple has days set for "reassurance", which is similar to maintenance, and that SHE has to say, "It is time."  Unfortunately, that probably won't work to train me, because I don't have trouble saying it is time.  I have trouble enjoying the moment and waiting for it to be time.

Is it time?