Okay, I thought I would do a spanking post. Well, it didn't start out in my head as a spanking post, but as I contemplated it more, I thought, yes! This is going to end up being about spanking!
No, there is no spanking going on over here. When you are barely finding energy for sex, you are grateful to just check off the basics (like more than one orgasm ;0 ). But this is not about that. It is about meditation.
Recently I have noticed that information on meditation has been finding me. Truly, I have not been seeking it and yet, everywhere I look, there it is. Two books in my recent readings have had characters that are meditation masters. People who meditate by just sitting. I have become enamored with this thought.
Sitting still - what a concept.
I can barely sit when I am actually conversing with someone and enjoying myself. I feel like I have to jump up every few minutes and find something to do. And this is about just sitting. Quietly. Not even talking.
In addition to these books, more than one of my friends on Facebook have recently attended silent retreats. For whole weekends! No distractions, no electronics, just quiet. To me that sounds both amazing and horrifying.
I really do appreciate the fact that I'm a much more balanced individual when I can find ways to clear my mind. I used to take Tai Chi and in one class, the instructor routinely had us spend 10 or more minutes doing "standing meditation". When I first started the class, all I could think about was how much my thighs were shaking as we just stood there, knees slightly bent, back straight and eyes forward. But within a few months, I was able to go with it and get to a more thoughtful place.
In the last two years, I have moved from active meditation at class to a more passive form - attending an orchestral presentation, or keeping classical music on in the house and the car. I find that I can lose myself in good music and reach a similar clearing of the mind. A really good concert can leave me feeling refreshed all week long.
Which brings me back to spanking. When H and I started our initial contract, I (ahem) wheedled my first spanking out of him within a few days. After the ice was broken (so to speak), we practiced maintenance spankings, good girl spankings and pleasure spankings for most of the next year and a half. I'll tell you what, I took to spanking like I was born for it. (A true spanko? Who knows - I didn't fantasize about it when I was younger or any of the other stuff you hear about, but once I had it, I wanted more. Ever more.)
Because of my spanking aptitude, I just figured I was a pain slut. I gloried in the pain of it, the burn on my bottom/thighs for days and I continually requested that H keep pushing those boundaries. But just today, I realized (or maybe I re-realized - like I knew it once and I forgot) that spanking and pain are a kind of meditation.
To get through a hundred lashes from the flogger, you have to focus in. And the pain is like the music, it fills up the head and then you float away on it.
So yes, maybe I AM a pain slut. Or maybe, I just really need ways to clear my mind. Perhaps it is a whole lot of both.
(I miss spanking. But not so much that I want to seek out another way to find it. A year ago, I didn't think I would ever live without it again. Strange the difference a year can make. Anyway, in the meantime, the orchestra and the books and the sitting are all providing some of that.)