Life Is Not A Game

This is cross posted on both of my blogs.

It has been three months and twenty days since I said I was taking a break.  Not that anyone is counting.  During that time, I have started a thousand posts in my head, but then I never wrote them out.  You see, I have this blog and it is my sex blog.  I have a persona on this blog that is very specific.  H has one here as well.  And to be quite frank, these persona's are not our current reality.

H's illness has worsened throughout 2013.  You wouldn't know it to look at him, and he is keeping up with the day to day of most things, but there is no sex.  Or, more appropriately, there is very little sex.  There is no bitterness when I say that.  There really isn't.

As this year has wound along, and as H has woken up every day to face pain that I can't even imagine, always dedicated to me and to our family, the bonds of our relationship have strengthened in a way that is both beautiful and tight.  H still holds my soul in his hands.  He still binds me.  But he does it in cords of love.

I can honestly say that H is the only person in the entire world that I have ever begun to love all the way.  Without regard for appearance, or action in a specific situation - just him, all the way.  That is probably the largest act of submission that a person is capable of giving.  At least a person who is me.

Which brings me back to this blogging business.  I want to spill my love and the guts of our story all over this blog that we have.  It is the story of us and this is our blog.

But every time I sat to write, I knew that anything I said was false, because we are not these persona's right now.  And I knew, that no matter what, I could not keep up with those people that we once were and that I would have to pretend to be.  So eventually, inevitably, I would stop blogging again.  And every time you stop, it is a little bit harder to come back.  It feels a little bit more false - like you have broken some sort of pact with the people who read.

This last week H was out of town and I promised myself that I would deal with this blog business one way or another before he gets back.  Well, I left it to the very last minute as I have to go get him at the airport soon (so this post is not as pretty and edited as I would prefer - apologies).

With no small amount of trepidation, I logged into my blogger account for the first time in months.  (I have been checking the e-mail as promised, but I have not once looked at a blog or the blogger account.)  I logged in and I scanned through my feed.  I clicked on a few favorite bloggers and read their latest stories.  I smiled at what I saw, even as my heart sunk.

We are not currently those people.

As I clicked around half heartedly, wondering how I was going to "deal with this blog business", my eye landed on my other blog.  The blog titled K and H - Discipline Desires.

When I started blogging all that time ago, as many of you know, I initially started off with two blogs - Kitty the Submissive Wife and K and H - Discipline Desires.  The second blog was an exploration of Domestic Discipline and as our path took us further into sexual submission and away from DD, that blog was shelved.  But it is perhaps fortuitous that I have both.

Our life (through no choice of ours) is not about sexual submission right now.  Our life is about K and H and our desires, played out through the day to day of surviving and relying on each other.  So, I slip for now - from the blog of Kitty the Submissive Wife and I move back over to K and H - Desires.

All the content will remain on http://thesubmissivewife.blogspot.com/ and may be referenced from time to time.  Who knows, I might even add a sexual sexcapade when I feel ready.  But if you want to find me (not the cock worshipping spanking sexual me, but the so in love with her husband who still holds her hard as he slips into sleep me), you will have to go to that blog - that blog holds the persona's that we are right now.  http://k-and-h-desires.blogspot.com/.

Please note that the address has changed (my apologies to the 14 people who were following that blog).

H's Kitty (fka Kitty the Submissive Wife)