Silent Spanking

Hi There!

I have decided to stop actively maintaining this page.  I was running two pages and starting to feel like I was:

A - Spending too much time on the computer and
B - Slightly schizophrenic - since I approached each page differently.

This blog will remain up and I think there are still things on it that I will be referring to and referencing from time to time.

For now, the foreseeable future - you may find me over at Kitty - The Submissive Wife and kittythesubmissivewife-at-gmail.com.  If this link breaks, there is a link up there in the wine glass as well.  I hope to see you over there.

Kitty

P.S.  Silent Spanking is the number one search term that brings people here, and in the interest of furthering knowledge in that particular area, you should know, the silent ones are the most painful.  (Whether or not that is a good thing is well, not something I am going to comment on.)

Just an FYI IMHO.

Contract Negotiation Time - End of Discipline Desires

This is being posted on both my blogs.  I am ending my Discipline Desires blog.  It was set up when we thought that we might have a DD aspect to our relationship, but I think I can clearly say that is not going to happen.  Maintaining two blogs has actually been both fun and easy for me, but it is taking way too much of my time from other activities, so this one will be dormant for now.  (It will stay up, and I reserve the right to change my mind at some future point.)

I am moving Follow Friday over to Submissive Wife because, well, I like Follow Friday and so does H.  :)

Hi there!  This is just a quick note to summarize the thoughts from my conversations with H and the excellent discussion on Saturday's post - Everything is (Not) Rosy.  Additionally, Kitty at Sweet Surrender asked me a question about the contract we have, and I assume if one person is wondering, more people are wondering:

When you say you have a contract, what do you mean? A literal, signed contract?

H and I have a literal signed contract, ominously titled, "Contract of Consensual Ownership".  Over the last two months, I have shared several provisions in it on my Submissive Wife blog, where you can hit Contract in the word cloud.

I see a lot of people in various relationship dynamics have literal signed contracts and I think that it is important when you have been together for a long time to have a real starting place when embarking on a new adventure.  And also an ending place in case it doesn't work out for one reason or the other.  Our original term is just under three months from January 25 to April 15.

There is nothing of a financial or domestic nature in our particular contract.  It is actually quite good (for our relationship) and H put it together with what I can only imagine was months of research.  The exit plan is as follows:

11.0.0 Termination/Renewal of Contract

Renewal
On the above named date this contract will be reviewed, renegotiated and rewritten to include all addendums.  After the signing of the new contract, this contract and all addendums for said contract will be destroyed.

Termination
This contract may be terminated at any time by the Master, but never by Slave except during renewal of said contract or in the event of breach of said contract.

Upon termination, all actions between Master and Slave will be forgiven by both parties and they shall return to their previous relationship without blame or disappointment.

We have just under three weeks left and I think I can honestly say that both H and I want to renew.  But, this is my only chance for negotiation under the terms - as you see, I signed away those rights.  (Without too much thought, because H has always been very considerate of me and I had no reason to think that he would be otherwise in this case.)

Here is where we are at so far:

H does not want to punish me and, I don't think I have made this clear previously, I don't really want to be punished.  So, we agree on that.

I do want less control and possibly more pain in our sexual interactions.  We are working on this.

Maintenance is really important to us, but only as a calendar tool for making sure we are connecting very regularly and for advancing the pain interaction goal.

Other than that, the real issue is how submission takes place and whether or not it is enforced.  I have started to think of submission in one of two ways:

Sexual Submission - Rules of attire; service rules; safe words; others, etc. and
Soft Submission - Non-sexual submitting - letting H be the leader, domestic type items, things that could be summarized under the idea of "making a quiet home for us", etc.

For the most part, I think that punishment would fall under soft submission and I know that we don't have much about that in the current contract.  So as long as H doesn't have a rule related to behavior that is domestic, financial, parenting or what not, we don't really have a problem there.

The sexual submission area has one rule that I can not follow and that causes us the most trouble.  I am just going to throw it out there:



She looks as uncomfortable as I often feel when following this rule

Slave shall never in public or private close nor cross her legs in Master's presence, unless specific permission to do so is granted.  Slaves legs shall be spread so that no part of the legs touch each other but may be commanded to increase or decrease this as desired by Master.

I like the thought behind this rule - that H can access me whenever he wishes.  But, he never really has and it is not actually practical around the house in day to day life.

I break it often without noticing and then when I do notice, I notice that H doesn't notice.  This is really where the whole punishment thing breaks down.  It is a good rule, but completely impossible to enforce, so it must be changed.

Other than that, I would formalize maintenance or some type of scheduled interaction (that is practical) and there is one other provision that I think has conflicting direction, but I think we can more than continue into Phase 2 of this contract.  I am sure H will have much more input, and I look forward to it, because so far, he has been pretty amazing through all of this!

In other words, Everything IS Rosy.  :)

Wow, by "quick note", I guess I meant, strap in for a really long post.  Ha.

Everything is (not) Rosy

Does your capitalized half read your blog?  Mine does and knowing that may have an impact on what I write.

I mean, I try to be honest, but I called a "state of the contract" meeting the other night to discuss some misgivings and miscommunications and just plain missing parts related to this M/s contract that we have signed.  I approached it from the perspective that we have about one month left and it would be nice if some tweaks were made because I didn't feel very inclined to continue once the end date arrived.

To say he was a bit surprised that I had misgivings would be an understatement.  One of his comments, "I read your blog(s) and you seem really happy with how things are going."

Whoa.  Full stop.

First of all, I can't imagine ever truly being unhappy with H.  He is an amazing man who is about the best match I could ever imagine for myself.

Second of all, things would have to be REALLY BAD before I would publicly announce (even in an anonymous blog) that I was unhappy with H.  Especially one he reads.  That would be very bad form.  I like to think that I would talk to him first.

None of that means that I am completely satisfied.

We are stuck at the punishment part of it all.  H does not like to punish me.  We tried it once and he was not happy with my reaction.  And so he doesn't do it.  Apparently, I get one chance to react and if it is not how he expects, well, then that goes into the scrap pile.

Two problems with this - many BDSM practices that I fantasize about leave me a bit uncertain during the actual doing (especially the first time), so my reaction is never what he expects.  And then I never get to do it again.  (Boo, me.)

Second problem - H is a little gun shy on starting something and it makes me a little (a lot!) anxious.  (I am now editorializing H's feelings.)

I know that I should not complain that he is so thoughtful and responsive to me, and I am not, I just wish he was hearing my words on some of this stuff and not my first reaction.  I have NEVER used or even been close to using my safe word or my veto power.  Does that help?

Anyway, back to the punishment.  If H won't punish me, what is the point of having rules?  When I break them and nothing happens, it leaves me feeling like he doesn't care enough to try.  When in reality, he doesn't know what to do with it all.

It is kind of an uncompromising situation that destroys the whole premise of the relationship dynamic.

A dynamic that has added so many good things to our lives and that we both would like to continue to explore.  But we have to move past this punishment part.  Which means no rules.  Which means no contract.  Which means no spanking?  Big Sigh.

So, there you have it.  A less rosy picture of what is going on at Kitty and H's house.

Follow Friday 03-23-12

It's Friday!  Throughout the week, I gather posts that made me feel and share a few of them here.  I usually try to keep it to under five, so that you don't get weary.  :)  Please, enjoy!

I read this post from Rogue's Awakening last week and literally laughed about it for two days and then I couldn't remember where I had read it.  I was so happy to finally find it again.  So here it is - Ouch.

June and Ward from the50's dish have this post on vulnerability that speaks to a lot of things I am working on now.  I love the first (all of them actually) quote:  I finally discovered that my greatest fear is not being alone; it's being vulnerable.

Curvaceous Dee has written a beautiful thought about choosing to become more instead of less.  Her pictures are honest and somehow sensual as well.

This is completely self serving, but I saw this little item from, well, me the other day.  First of all, it is not often that I stay succinct, so that is worth checking out; and second of all, I had completely forgotten about this, the feelings and the thoughts I had.  It seemed like a good time to remind everyone of how far we have come and how far we have left to go.

Have a great weekend!

Fortune Cookie

How come I don't get fortune's like this???

Nipple Clamps (Again)

Searching for, um, nipple clamps (no, I am not telling you why) brought up this picture.  Really?

Although, to be fair, I find that I look at all kinds of things in a different manner than I used to.

How We Met - Part II

This is in response to a question asked about how H and I met for March Q&A month.  It turns out that it is a long story - you can catch up with Part I here.  I decided to finish, because I have been thinking about it all morning and I have other things to do.  The walk down memory lane continues...

When you are single for a long time, you start to get quite a list going regarding what you want in a mate.  Here was my relatively short list:  single, no kids, no more than ten years older.  That's it.  I broke every rule when it came to H.  I figure that means this relationship is either very very right or very very wrong.

You really can't help who you fall in love with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

H had made an unusual proposition to me, one with his wife's consent, but one which I could not fathom or stomach.  I was very uncomfortable when I had to be around him and I avoided unnecessary contact.  This went on for a while.  During that time, I turned 28 years old.

My birthday is always a time of reflection and this birthday pretty much sucked.  The boyfriend mentioned previously showed up on that day (awww, he remembered) and we had sex.  I told him that I missed him (I didn't) and that I still loved him (I don't) and begged him to stay (he left).  Nothing like hitting a girl on her down day.

That whole experience carried my normal birthday funk over for a couple of months.  What was I doing with my life?

Well, one day, about two months later, I was in the garage at work getting ready to leave and I saw H blow in on a motorcycle.  He looked so good (yes, motorcycles are sexy) and so alive, and while I had not thought about him at all, that kiss must have been marinating.

I drove over to where he was and quite unexpectedly (at least to me!), invited him to have sex with me.

He said, "Are you serious?"  Yes.

"Okay, lunch on Friday."

Friday rolled around and he followed me down the freeway to my apartment. I arrived first and went inside, shutting the door.  He knocked.  I opened it.  I started to say something and he just attacked me with his lips.  Months of pent up sexual energy came rushing out.  (I am so glad he did not let me speak, because I probably would have ruined it all right there.)

We went to the bedroom and had a funny moment when we realized no one had a condom.  Apparently, neither of us do this much anymore.  Since I was not on the pill and there was no condom, I ended up giving him a blow job (and apparently sealing my fate to that particular activity).  It was fantastic.

I normally don't tell people this, but I also don't normally tell people that I like to be spanked and desire to suck on H, so I am telling you.  For the next three months, we had a sexual relationship.  Yes, an affair.  Every possible chance we could get - in cars, in stairways, in elevators, in my apartment, and yes, even at their house.

Because there was no chance of a relationship, I constructed a Chinese Firewall, if you will, against any chance of feelings for H.  This is probably the only time I have ever been successful at this.  His wife still seemed to be out of town a lot and there seemed to be a lot of fights, but I did not encourage any stories and he is not one to over share.

About 2 and 1/2 months in, H asked, "What if I wasn't married anymore?"  I thought, yeah, that's how this works - you sleep with a married man and they leave their wife and you live happily ever after.  Not. "Well, you are, so..."

Christmas rolled around and H called and said, "I am coming to see you."

"No."  I said.  "You are not.  It is Christmas and Christmas is for family.  You are not family."  I was alone that day.

"I am coming over."

"No."  And I ended the conversation.  He respected my wishes and he did not come.  Which was good.

January came and I found out that he was alone and I had a couple of days off work, so I said, let's get out of here... and we took off to a bed and breakfast for two nights.

While we were there, H asked me if I thought that I could ever have feelings for him.  I said, "I have no idea.  I am not even contemplating that."

He told me that he and his wife had finished before Christmas and he wondered if I could care for him.  I literally lay with my back to him, his arm around me and pictured a real wall disintegrating into ashes and felt an overwhelming rush of love for this man that I had known for two years and through so much.

Two days later, I told him I loved him.  Three months later, he asked me to marry him.  And lest you think we rushed into anything, 18 months after that, we got married.  That was eight years ago.

I wish I could say it was all great, but the first six months were hard.  He was still in divorce proceedings, which everyone knows is a bundle of fun.

Also, we fought a lot - me because of guilt over how we started and him, I think, because he wanted to get married for the last time and needed to let me know for sure who he was and what he needed.  Since then, though, it has pretty much been all great.  I can't imagine any other man fitting with me so perfectly.

THE END

PS - On the very same day my wall broke away, probably around the same time, the wife cleaned out the bank accounts.  I always found the timing interesting - the universe telling you when something is really done.  I also think it was fitting - H and I are so very right for each other; but people were hurt on the way to us getting there.  I never forgot that.

How We Met - March Q&A

Riley from over at Vanilla Extract asked me two questions - So, are you participating in question month? If so, I want to know how you two met...

The first one is easy - absolutely, I am participating in question month... I hope you know that you can actually ask me anything at any time, but if you are needing a specific invite, this is it.  As I understand it, anything goes.

The second question - well, that's a bit longer.  But, I do love the stories that others are sharing, so I will give a stab at how we met.

When I first met H, I did NOT like him.  Picture a guy in a long trench coat swishing around work, often with sunglasses on and always with a minion right behind.  (That is how I pictured his co-worker, as a minion.)  It was my second job out of college, so I wasn't a newbie to the office environment, and when H showed up at my desk to take my laptop because "it was talking to other computers", I thought he was kind of an ass.  It's called a network, I laughed with my boyfriend of the time that night, it's supposed to talk to other computers.

Oh yes, I had a boyfriend.  H had a wife.

The company we worked for was small enough that you knew most everybody, but large enough that you didn't see them all the time.  Also, I was on the road a lot in the first year I was there.  I don't remember many more specific instances of seeing H after that first meeting.  He says he first noticed me in some green pants that looked nice on the ass.  I remember the pants, but not specifically seeing him.

We always tell people we met at the bowling alley.  Because that's a great place to meet hot men.

Our company had a bowling team, and I was a single gal who thought having a weekly activity to get me out of work was a good idea.  I suck at bowling.  H is really good and we can both appreciate a sport that allows you to drink, so we both played league.

The first year, H's wife was always there with him and I guess was a friend of mine as well.  My previously mentioned boyfriend was my most serious relationship to date (before H), and when it ended it was pretty not good.  I also did not behave the best about it.  I talked to H (and wife) about it a lot and then often about my disastrous attempts at dating again.  That is when we became friends.

The second year, H's wife did not come to the alley.  When I asked after her, she was always out of town.  I think there were problems, but he was never one to disrespect another, and he always changed the subject.  She essentially just disappeared (not like that!).  Other than one crazy phone call, I never saw her again.

Meanwhile, the mean guy at work turned out to have a soft side, bringing around candy to everyone on holidays and helping with personal computer issues, etc.  We became better friends.

You won't mock bowling now, will you?

Then one night, bowling ended early and the normal drinking crowd wasn't there.  I was still restless and I ended up with H in the bar for a game of pool and way too much alcohol.  There was a sexual tension between us that night that was pretty intense.  I think it had been building for a while, but he was married, and I was insane.  (Single bad girl behavior insane.)  I was pretty drunk when he took me to my car in the parking garage and I kissed him.

Oh my god - the greatest kiss ever.  Seriously, even inebriated, it was like drowning in passion.  I have no words to describe it, but here, 10 years and 1 month later, I can still recall the memory to my lips.  I would have fucked him right then and there.

In fact, I offered to do just that and he said, no.  I made some physical advances to try and change his mind, but he wasn't having me when I was drunk.  So, we went our separate ways that night.

The next day, H and I had lunch in a cafe and he said that he loved his wife, but that there were some problems in the bedroom due to medical concerns and that she had given him permission to take care of that externally.  Would I be interested in an affair?

By then, I had sobered up and remembered that I don't sleep with other women's men and no, I was not interested in that type of relationship.  Especially with the caveat that she would know who I was.  Definitely not.  (Makes me think of poly relationships etc. now, but back then, I had no framework for that type of thing and wanted no part of it.)

It was an awkward lunch and it ended with him watching me walk away.  We didn't really talk again for eight months.

This is getting long, so I broke it into two parts.  You can find Part II here.

Nipple Clamps

I was looking for pictures for a post on my other blog and I saw this.  It made me laugh, but it didn't work into the other post, so I am throwing it up here.  (Bonus:  I get to add nipple clamps to the word cloud!)  Happy Sunday!

Because I am a Witch

I once saw a thing that said, tone over the Internet is hard to decipher, so when in doubt, just assume I am a bitch.

There is a vulnerability in D/d, I have seen many posts on it and I have felt it myself.  Maybe it is because we are trying something so different than many of us thought of when we were young.  Or maybe it is because, for the first time for many of us, we are being honest, even if we are being anonymous.

Anyway:  vulnerability + blog town = some miscommunication.

Add in the fact that I am naturally sarcastic and I find myself treading in comments really carefully and even pre-emptively apologizing.  I have hurt people without intention in face to face conversations, so I am sure that possibility exists here x10.

I joke when I say assume I am a bitch, when in reality, I am exactly the opposite, concerned almost too much about what others think.

Which puts me in mind of a bumper sticker I saw - Don't worry about what other people think, they don't do it that often.

Just something I was thinking about as I was lurking through blog town tonight.

Silent Spanking

There were two instances this week when H had some spanking to do and there was no time that we were going to be without J, our amazing funny lovable son.  Time to get serious about making something happen without making so much noise.

So H brought out the feather tickler to test its noise level.

I actually love this tickler - both sides.  Note that the handle is tightly bound with ribbon, making it a touch less "whippy".  He has used it most effectively during our lovemaking in the past.  In fact, the first time I ever came from spanking alone, it was with this.

I had just come from the shower, all warm and relaxed.  He invited me to kneel on the seat of the chair.  I had my hands on the back and my bottom sticking out a bit.

"Very nice."

A Good Girl, Bad Girl Toy

STING.  STING.  STING.  AAAAAH!  OOMPH.   HOLY.... GAH!
STING.  STING.  STING.  GASP, GASP, GASP.  OH MY, WHIMPER.

And H stopped.  Six was apparently enough.  There were very detailed, very precise red stripes straight across my bottom.  I thought, Hey, you should take a picture of that.

"It is quieter!"

Yeah, but I'm not....

So, when he brought it out the second time, I was like, "Seriously?"

Seriously.

I was looking for a picture of one on Eden Fantasy (so that you would not have to suffer mine above) and I could not find one, but I did find something similar that was titled "Fresh Feather Crop."

Dammit, I was striped with a crop.  With no warm up whatsoever.  WTH?!?!?!!

But.............

10 minutes later (both times), I was gushing wetness.  I had to wear panties.  (And I hate underwear!)

Once again, something uncomfortable during, but completely engrossing in retrospect.

Sigh.  I guess if I am being honest, I have to tell the whole story.  H had some spanking to do in two instances because I asked for an additional spanking this week.  I asked the evening after the first feather riding crop incident.

AND I keep thinking of that silent thing PK bought on purpose.

Oh Lordy, what is going on with me?  SMH.

____________________________________________________


If you are reading this and you have information on or can link me to other posts discussing the body's changing sensitivities, please help.  I imagine that things smart more during your period, but does recently getting out of the shower have an impact, the time of day, age, fairness of skin, anything else???  Thanks in advance.

Also, I am enjoying all the answers in March Q&A month, and I hope you know you can always ask me questions, but just in case you were waiting to be invited, this is your invite.  As I understand it, anything goes.

Follow Friday 03-16-12

It's Friday!  I gather posts all week and then share with you the ones that made me think, laugh, get turned on, whatever.  This week was a busy week, and it was difficult to pick just a few.

Lil at Submissive Sanctuary has done it again.  Taken a difficult subject, one of abuse versus consensual and described it in a way that others can understand.  My favorite part of this post is that it is both complete and concise.  Despite her repeated assurances, no coffee needed to get there.  :)

This erotic poem from 1manview ends just exactly where I stand after a spanking.

I think Jake of Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds is both funny and informative.  This post on bondage positions for blow jobs qualified as one of those posts that "I should definitely tell H about."  Or, maybe not.  (The second position both intrigues and worries me.)

This post by Shelby Cross on Domspeak made me Laugh Out Loud.  "You are about to get fucked."

Finally, I am just going to insert this picture, which I love, but I found it here.

Have a great weekend!  Keep sharing your great thoughts and stories - I so love this town.

Hmmm, I guess not.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I thought maintenance had served its purpose and let H know so that He could take it under advisement.

Hmmm, I guess not.

Once again, He brought coffee and a spanking to the office.  I thought I might have been out of it when He said that He had to go.  I turned to my computer to start working and then noticed He was still standing there.

"It's Tuesday."

I know that.  I never forget these things.  And so we got the maintenance on - and a couple of things I should note (if we are being honest):

1. I thought He went light on the number of spanks and I was both relieved and disappointed.  (I can never count and am not required to, so I could be wrong.)

2. I welcomed the idea of the slapper that we have, but He wanted His hand.  Turns out it smarts a bit too.

3.  I would have been disappointed if He hadn't done it.  (Take that for what it's worth.)

Thank you, Sir.  (A bit begrudgingly.)

Picture Credit to Red Ended Girls.

Maintenance (Again)

I told H yesterday that maintenance, for now, had served it's purpose and I was okay to stop.  He looked at me completely bewildered.  "In my opinion.  Of course, it is up to You."  I hastily added.

Truth be told, I am having a rough time right now.  Not because of TTWD, but because of other truths we have to deal with in our lives.  And I feel like I am getting too shrill around having maintenance as a stopgap for my other fears.

I guess what I am trying to say is that maintenance has become the primary interaction when we are too tired for anything else, which is lately, every day.  Me too, not just H.  And I never wanted our sex life to be a checklist item.

I am okay with the idea of scheduling sex (Wednesdays and Sunday afternoons?), but only if it is not the only times it is considered.  And lately, without maintenance, there would be blessed little else.

Not counting yesterday, which was a double header.  :))

Follow Friday 03-09-12

It's Friday!  When I take a few moments and share some of the blogs that spoke to me this week.  There are many more, but I am trying to keep it both fun and simple.

A pretty old post from Spanky at Bright Bottom, but I thought, Oh my goodness, what a great idea - a blowjob bell!  Thought I would share.

This is a lovely letter to the HOH who is trying to figure out why his wife suddenly wants to be spanked. It is chock full of good pointers.

Riley wrote this about the Stress of Inconsistency and then I saw people asking about it everywhere for the next two days, so it is worth sharing here.

Finally, Conina wrote a post that describes a sexual experience that hits many of my needs and desires as well - it is pure ecstasy.

Have a great weekend.

Why Blog?

Lil at Submissive Sanctuary wrote on who she is blogging for today and it reminded me that I had been meaning to say something about this topic.  She does a nice job of describing how a blog changes when people start reading it, and I hope she doesn't mind if I add a thought or two.

One thing that I see in myself (and perhaps others) is the tendency to track readers.  Sex and drama, that brings them back.  Oh, and good pictures.

I was actually pleased today to find that someone had hit my submission blog after searching for:

"submissive wife" stockings dress -sissy -cuckold

 

What was that person looking for?  And more importantly, did they find it?  If it is you, please send me an e-mail at kittythesubmissivewife at gee mail and let me know!

 

I blogged initially because it was in the contract.  I was required to do so.  I see a lot of people with this requirement and I think that it has been helpful to me and to H.  He does not approve my blogs, but He does read them all after they post.  He never comments on them, which annoys me - like He gets to know what I think, but I don't get to hear His thoughts.  Oh wait, this IS a power exchange.  Never mind, H, I am not complaining.  :)

 

If I speak out of turn about something personal, I expect He would let me know, but so far, I have been allowed to have my own thoughts. This is not a comment on others who have blog approval requirements, but I have to believe that my stuff would read differently if H had to approve it first.

 

We would lose something in the honesty.

 

I also blog because I have had several pent up sexual questions inside of me for years and finally being allowed, nay encouraged, to air them has been like a breath of fresh air.  Funny thing is, I didn't know they were there until I had an outlet.  Kind of like seat warmers in the car.  If you have them, you know what I mean.

 

It turns out that blogging is not only about writing, but also about reading what others have to say and learning from them... Hey H, did you know you could make a butt plug out of some kind of root???  Please feel free to tell me if you have already explored a topic that I am writing about - I am here to learn as well as to share.

 

But, after all that, I blog for me.

 

This is a journal; it is a topical one about submission, sex, H and I.  Nothing more. 

 

Thank you for sharing our journey.

Spankings, Spankings Everywhere

I think Maintenance Spankings are becoming a bit of a pain in the ass.  Pun intended.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE knowing that no matter what, three times a week I am getting my bottom smacked.  I don't know why I love that, I just know I do.  H and I have both accepted that.  And I hope they continue to be a priority

However, let's talk about the last four spankings I have had:

Saturday on vacation - our first outdoor adventure.  We were hiking and found a quiet place that I thought, well, this would be perfect for a spanking.  H thought so too, but then He decided to scout about a bit more for an even better place... and well, we ran into a thousand other hikers.  (Okay, not a thousand, but a few seemed like a lot when you are thinking about an outdoor spanking.)

Eventually, we found our way back to the original quiet place and even though it wasn't as quiet, we went ahead and did it.  After, we heard people above us who may not have seen anything, but they were likely to have heard it.  I have a great picture H took of me right after, where my shoulders are dropped, my head is down and my bottom is bare.  The relaxing of the body compared to the picture before the spanking is very apparent.

Rating - Good.  Up for being out doors; Down for being frustrated by the search for the perfect spot.

Sunday on vacation - this was the morning after the Lap Dance and we were both a little "dry" from too much alcohol the night before.  The hotel had no in-room amenities, so H was on His way downstairs to find some water and coffee.  He said, "I need some water and to take my pills."

Knowing how long the lines were downstairs and that He would be in a rush to get out the door to our tee time when He got back, I said, "What about my spanking?"  Sunday is a maintenance day.

He said, "Bend over."

"Right now??"

"Yes.  I need some water and to take my pills."  Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack...

And then He left to get some water and to take His pills.

Rating - Fair.  No touching, talking or kissing.  Of course, later in the day, H said that He thought it was kind of fun.  Like remembering to turn off the oven before running out the door.  Hmmm...

Tuesday back at home - A quickie that I already detailed.

Rating - Good.  It happened and I got coffee.  :)

Thursday (today) at home - Last night, H told me he had an early appointment and my first thought was what about my maintenance spanking?  He said we would just have to get up early.  Well, J (our son) also got up early, making me all kinds of crabby.  I get on a mission sometimes about this spanking business.

H turned on the music in the kitchen and I got J eating his breakfast.  I came in the back where H had music on as well and closed the door to the office, ready to be spanked.

And H decided to dance with me.  He likes to dance, and I get that, but I was on a schedule... J can eat fast.

Frustrated, I pushed H back a bit and gave a really bitchy sigh.  So, H leaned me over and smacked away.  Then He touched my breasts and it was an amazing feeling.  And then we went on about our day.  I am not as stressed, but still, it felt a bit rushed and H was foiled in his romantic attempts.

(This puts me in mind of last night's post, on what does submission feel like, I am wondering if giving into H on the issue of romance would be submission to me?  I think it might, but I digress.)

Rating - Good.  Up for the touching, dancing and kissing; down for the worry about J and the tight scheduling.

Conclusion - Maintenance spanking is desirable for my moods right now, but I am just a little too worried about making sure it happens.  Perhaps I don't trust H to make it a priority and I am not sure if that is fair or not.

Also, it seems to be replacing sex as we have had less and less of that lately, but I need to withhold judgement on that - energy at the end of the day is so not what it once was between vacation activities, busy times at work and busy schedule for J.

Sex after the spanking - that is definitely something I want.  We have energy in the morning and spanking gets my whole body tingling.  The cuddling, touching, etc. just further inflames my desire.  I have only been allowed two blow jobs since we began maintenance and it is not enough.  I suspect H thinks that if we have sex then, nothing else will get done the whole day.

Spanking with the sex - that is also desired - H was rubbing me last night to help me relax and I kept thinking, "A good smack would be nice right about now."

Oh, who knew that I was such a spanko?

And to make a long post even longer - I have no way to end this other than to reiterate my beginning - I think Maintenance Spankings are becoming a bit of a pain in the ass.

All pictures courtesy Spank-OTK on Tumbler.

Are you okay?

One of the things I do over and over and over is ask H, "Are you okay?"

I know it annoys Him.  I ask so much that it even annoys me.  I used to just ask Him in regards to His mood and His health, but lately, I have been asking if He is okay with spanking me.

He keeps saying, "You already asked me that.  I am fine."  I wonder when He is going to make a rule about asking, since it is getting so tiresome.

I started contemplating why I would keep asking.  He says He is fine.  He is doing it and seems to be in tune with it.  I wondered if I was asking because I was looking for a different answer.

Example: "You know, I never imagined that I would spank a full grown woman and it is really causing me to face up to a few things about myself."

Example 2:  "I actually hate it, but I am willing to do it because I love you."

Example 3:  "No, I am not okay."

So, the question is, why would I be looking for a different answer?  It clearly doesn't exist.  Trust me, I have asked.

Maybe I am just hoping to have a little drama open up.  Drama is so much more interesting than having everything work, isn't it?  Sigh.

The only other thing I can think is that I am not sure that I am fully accepting of this part of me.  This raging desire to feel submission.

And if I don't accept myself, why would He do it?  Of course, that is ludicrous, but I have a little history of projecting my own insecurities onto loved ones.

And while I am on the subject, I don't think I have felt submission.  Dressing according to rules, kneeling before Him, receiving spankings, giving blow jobs on demand (or more likely, when I ask), etc. does not make me feel submissive.  It makes me feel like me.

What does submissive feel like?

Quickie

It is maintenance Tuesday.  I knew (hoped!) that H had not forgotten, but with company still in the house from vacation, I wondered if I would have to wait until they left.

As I was leaving for work, H said, "I'll go get you a coffee and bring it by your work."

I got to work and pulled out the slapper that we found last week and put it on my desk, just in case H thought I forgot.  Or in case He forgot.

He showed up and I pointed at it, "Where did you want to store this?"

He said, "Oh, in a drawer.  Wait.  It IS Tuesday."

"Yes it is."  Did He forget????

"That is why I'm here."  He did not forget.

He took me into the server room where we have a chair for this very purpose.  I pulled up my skirt and bent over and He used the slapper on me.  A lovely sting on my bottom and a slight wettening in my pussy.

H:  "I like this.  I don't have to swing as hard and I get the same effect."

I reached over and brushed His hardened cock.  "The same effect?"

Then He left to take company back to the airport for their trip home.

Just a quickie, but I have a bottom that smarts (in a good (no, great) way) AND coffee.

What more could a girl ask for?

D*mn Underwear - Another tale in an infrequent series

I originally wrote a post in February about my frustrations with underwear (and the lack there-of).  As part of our contract, H has requested that I adorn my private parts so that my pussy is available as often as possible.  As a result, I wash a whole lot less underwear.

Well, it goes on.  This weekend, while we were out of town, we went golfing and hiking and golfing again, and these activities are much better undertaken in pants, which generally require the wearing of underwear.

From the minute I put them on in the morning until the minute I took them off when we got back to the hotel, they drove me completely crazy - panty lines, crawling up the ass, and oh god, the moisture.  Moisture trapped between my legs.  Blech.

It has only been a month since I began to wear significantly less underwear, but I am already so much more comfortable without.  My thighs no longer chafe and unless I am somewhere really warm, I do not hold onto any sweat.  That may be different come summer, but for now, I actually don't notice the lack of underwear at all, while the wearing is a constant irritant.

As a side note, I did not mind the underwear at all during my period.  It is just different.

Not me - and no, girls don't get to touch either!

Ah, but here is the part where this story takes a turn to the raunchy... While on vacation, H indulged one of my fantasies, one of my bucket list items - He got me a lap dance at the strip club.

I have always wondered what that was like, and the actual experience is a whole post in itself (more properly posted on my submissive blog), but I will say that once we found the right gal to do it, it was well worth doing.

Now, this was my desire, H has never enjoyed the strip club experience, so He hung back and watched from afar.  (He is such a fantastic husband!)

Once all was said and done, H reported that from His viewpoint off to the side, it appeared that all the other dancers/lap girls in the club noticed my lack of underwear.  The woman who gave me my dance started with a spreading of my legs and I was wearing a knee length skirt which apparently slid up to my thighs.

I had quite an audience at the club as my clit appeared to be on display.  It is probably worth noting that we were at a topless only bar, so I was showing more than they were down there.  (Whoops!)

I joked with H that they were probably trying to figure out what that brown curly patch of stuff was (we do NOT prefer completely bare there as of yet) and He laughed.  In retrospect though, I know this would never have been an issue if I was a boy on the receiving end of that dance!

Damn underwear (and the lack of it) - causing me all kinds of grief.  SMH.

Follow Friday 03-02-12

It's Follow Friday!  And, all things willing, I am out of town... so enjoy - I will be back with tales to tell next week!  (Or, maybe sooner, if H sleeps in like He always does.)

I LOVED this post from the male point of view on why "too much submission" is bad...

This was posted last week by Hermione, who I don't know, but in case you didn't see it, There's an app for that.  We joke about all the apps they have, so I couldn't pass on adding this one.

And just for fun: Spanked in the Shower...

This is a very informative (long) article on the why's and the how's of Domestic Discipline. I had time, so I read it all, but if you do not, I especially liked Part 2 and the very end that had a few reminders on how to spank safely (if it has been a while, she will be much more sensitive than if it hasn't, etc.) 
I linked over from a post at Bright Bottom.

Have a great weekend.