I know it annoys Him. I ask so much that it even annoys me. I used to just ask Him in regards to His mood and His health, but lately, I have been asking if He is okay with spanking me.
He keeps saying, "You already asked me that. I am fine." I wonder when He is going to make a rule about asking, since it is getting so tiresome.
I started contemplating why I would keep asking. He says He is fine. He is doing it and seems to be in tune with it. I wondered if I was asking because I was looking for a different answer.
Example: "You know, I never imagined that I would spank a full grown woman and it is really causing me to face up to a few things about myself."Example 2: "I actually hate it, but I am willing to do it because I love you."
Example 3: "No, I am not okay."
So, the question is, why would I be looking for a different answer? It clearly doesn't exist. Trust me, I have asked.
Maybe I am just hoping to have a little drama open up. Drama is so much more interesting than having everything work, isn't it? Sigh.
The only other thing I can think is that I am not sure that I am fully accepting of this part of me. This raging desire to feel submission.
And if I don't accept myself, why would He do it? Of course, that is ludicrous, but I have a little history of projecting my own insecurities onto loved ones.
And while I am on the subject, I don't think I have felt submission. Dressing according to rules, kneeling before Him, receiving spankings, giving blow jobs on demand (or more likely, when I ask), etc. does not make me feel submissive. It makes me feel like me.
What does submissive feel like?
I don't know what submissive feels like. I always end up feeling crazy powerful cause I got done to me what I wanted.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That is a perfect way to say it, but I didn't know if I could...
DeleteI still want to know what it feels like though. :)
I have a similar question I ask, at intervals, usually just after something intense and beautiful has happened between us and he's wrapped me in his arms and I'm feeling loved and glorious.
ReplyDelete"Do you ever wish you'd married a normal girl?"
I feel guilty sometimes, you know, about turning him from the wide-eyed innocent he once was to the deliciously kinky man he is now.
He laughs now, "You keep asking me that."
Of course he doesn't wish that, but I need to hear it. It makes me feel so valued when he squeezes me close and tells me he'd never want any other girl.
I would love the laughter response - instead I get a tensing - stop asking me response.
DeleteI probably am going to have to talk soon about our differing needs for verbal stimulation, that's why I loved your post yesterday - the verbal things he said. H prefers a more silent approach. Sigh.
Sorry, this morning's post... Only 10 am and I have lived a whole day... LOL.
DeleteOh, I know days like that. :)
DeleteMy husband didn't start out being so talkative. Here's a post I wrote about the process of getting there.
I need the words, so he talks a lot.
I came back to say - submissive feels like....softness.