Monday, November 18, 2013

A Blank Canvas

I have a blog that is now a blank canvas.  I think each new day starts like that - I don't know what it will bring.

Actually, if you look deeply at the canvas - it is not blank.  As you stare into it, you will start to see a mosaic of small threads that make up a life.  Each of us comes to a new day, or a new blog, with a history of feelings, thoughts and experiences.

My history is varied - from lonely little girl to slutty college coed to wife.  The last is perhaps most surprising to me.  Not because I didn't expect to get married.  On the contrary, I always thought I would, because that is what girls do.  But I didn't think it would be such an important role to me.

After all, I am a strong woman, who doesn't need a man to complete her.

Ha.

I also didn't think I would suck at it.  Or at least I used to suck at it.  Now, I think I am getting the hang of it.  Finally.

This is an age when roles are confused, conditioning has overtaken biological imperative and boys mostly can't be men, while women mostly can't be ladies.  (Can't?  Or just don't know how?  I don't know.)

I told the story of how we met once on these pages and I think I will tell it again - a piece at a time.  To fill in that canvas.

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While I have been away, I have intermittently read other blogs that I come across.  More daily life blogs.  Blogs written by people who just spew love and acceptance and healing all over their pages.  As always, there are posts that generate controversy, but the blog author(s) seem to meet those with love and a "Hey, I hear you!  You don't agree with me and we are all okay!"  I want to be like that.

Full of grace and acceptance.  Maybe someday I will be.  Maybe someday we all will be.

12 comments:

  1. Yay, I get to visit you twice in one day!

    I wish I could be full of grace and acceptance like that too...We can only try our best though, eh?

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    1. Do you think it is a born trait or a learned one.

      Thanks for visiting me twice in one day.

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    2. Maybe some are born with it and some of us have to learn it?

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  2. I am more than happy to follow you over here it is you and H that I have followed anyway not so much your sex. And I have missed both of you.

    Steel

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    1. Thank you Steel. That is so nice of you to say.

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  3. Grace and acceptance....i have gown on the acceptance as i have aged. Grace...not so much, but there is always hope, and i keep trying.
    hugs abby

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    1. I have learned to listen more, which is less acceptance and more knowing I can't fix everything. Sigh.

      Grace - that is something that I admire greatly in those that have it. Not me either.

      Hugs abby.

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  4. I think grace is both a character trait and a learned art form. I strive for it but usually fail miserably. Acceptance, well, that one we have better control over. The trying times keep coming to impart wisdom that we may learn acceptance maybe. That's kind of how it feels right now anyway :) After reading your last post at your other blog, I have to say that I find DD and submission, sexual or otherwise, is deeply entwined for me and many others I read. Some people simply can't or won't combine the two and that's ok for them. I think of us all a cake anyway. There are lots of flavors, fillings, frostings and toppings. But we are all just cake :)

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    1. You think it is both born and learned? I think some have it and some don't, but I am not sure why.

      I think you are right about the DD and the submission being entwined for many - I wrote that post so fast, I don't know if I said it wrong - it was not right for us, but that is not to say that it doesn't work well for others.

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  5. We're all working on ourselves.

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    1. Really? I know I am. And I think you are. But do you think everyone is? I think there are lots of people who think they are perfectly fine the way they are. (Hmmm... where does the angst come from, I wonder.)

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    2. Hmm, I meant "all" as in "all of us who seek to write about the changes our work produces," but... this response also makes me think of people who clearly do need to work on themselves but would rather complain.

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