The Calm

It has been quiet around here.  The maintenance discipline ended and life took over.  Busy month.

He said I seemed disconnected today - He doesn't like that, but I am a little.  Maybe a lot.  It is not that I actually miss the daily spanking, although that did add something to my life.  I find that odd, since I loved it so much, and then it was gone and that was fine.  Except.  It feels like I am going through a sort of adrenaline crash.

I am free to speak my mind, of course I am, but I am trying to respect His timing, His wishes.  And He is justifiably wrapped up in real work issues.  This feels a bit like a new relationship - we have been together so long, but not exactly like this.  So, I am not sure what I would say if I did talk.  It is almost like I want Him to like me.

I do know that I would be honest.  And that's something I always thought I was - something I prided myself on, but the last two weeks have exacted a new honesty in me that I didn't know I had.  That is not the only thing I didn't know I had.

I have become aware of needs I didn't know I had.  I have become aware of my body and it's rhythms - I kind of vibrate right now and the world is viewed a bit askance.  He asked me to turn over the feminine parts of me and I agreed.  Just like that.  (Or 10 years later - whatever.)

So far in following His lead, I have found a new sensuality when I walk, when I stand, how I sit.  I have exalted in a femininity that all women should know.  It is a sensuality that wants to be held in His hand.  Greedily wants it.  All the time.

Alas, the world holds sway today.  That will pass and we will have our time together soon.