That morning, maintenance spanking was re-instituted and I received some nice over the knee swats. It was preluded with the rubbing and admiration of my ass and my clothing followed by the spanking. While there was some pain during the actual getting, I found myself pushing my bottom up more to receive after the second one.
As with all sexual play, the more you initiate enjoyment, the more you get and having my ass a bit higher in the air (having to hold it off His lap) helps. (As a side note, I did the same thing this morning and yes, it is a right move for me.)
After the spanking was over, we spent a few minutes together and I ended up on my knees in front of Him with His cock in my mouth. Again, I got into it as I imagined sucking the greatest lollipop ever and took it all the way deep for as long as I could. Eventually, He was close to coming and it thickened even more and I had to let a little bit out of my throat as I swallowed everything He had to give me.
I am being detailed about the blow job, because that is exactly how I experienced it - with a great deal of observation about the changes in His body and my reaction to it. I was totally into sucking it as well as I could. I have mentioned before that I love to go down on Him, but Tuesday, it was a whole different thing.
I left for my day and spent the whole commute (which was longer than usual as I had off-site work to do) with my head in the clouds. I don't think it was subspace per se, but the adrenaline high that I got from having a spanking followed by me serving Him is different than anything I have ever experienced. That is the first time that I have had both experiences at the same moment and then had to go function in society. Usually, when lots of stuff is happening, sleep follows soon thereafter.
I did not for one minute mind that I was not "taken care of" because really, I was. No, I did not orgasm, but I did get a whole lot of something. I hope I get many more opportunities to serve all those roles as we go forward.
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| Extreme pleasure, Extreme let-down |
So why was it the worst night? Well, I need to figure out how to transition back to life. And I don't mean work or other people - I did great at work - focused all day, got done what I needed to get done, had a nice evening with my family.
But I got to bed that night and man was I grouchy. Or not grouchy, more irritated in a dissatisfied kind of way. He had a full day and had gone to sleep earlier. On my way in, He got up for a bit to see me, but it was just going to be a "normal" night. We sleep, we cuddle, we are married. You know. For some reason, and I think this is the adrenaline crash talking here, I was just irritated. That irritation led to all kinds of tossing, turning and random destructive thoughts.
I haven't figured out how to transition with Him. We are not 24-7 D/s, we are bedroom only with some public attributes. It was very important at the outset that we maintain our marital relationship throughout this discovery process. But somehow, I feel like I always need to be ON or READY to be on, and I don't know how to just relax into being NOT on. A transition would be helpful.
So, fabulous adrenaline rush in the morning - way overreacting to normality adrenaline crash in the evening. I want to be His friend and partner and wife as well as His slave. I just am not quite getting back at the same rate He is and when I do get there, it is not with the same equilibrium I had when I started. To be honest, I don't really want to go back right now - I want to be played with endlessly - and that is likely cause this is a new toy for me. (And of course, I crave the adrenaline!)
Maybe a stoplight would help - Red - slave; Yellow - be ready; Green - life.
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