Breaking a Woman - Part III

I have posted this.  I have pulled it down.  H asked after it today, so I am putting it up and leaving it.

This is really a postlude, but since there may be more parts as time goes on, I will leave it as Part III.

I wrote Parts I and II in a fevered night and I scheduled Part II to post two days later.  I am not a fan of blog scheduling, but I wanted to sit with it for a few days in case I wanted to make a change.  I changed nothing.

A majestic union - what is that?  I wrote those words - "I want to be part of a majestic union. I know that can only happen with one person in charge."

Seems fair to further expound on what I picture.  Because He is not a mind reader...

I picture U/us.  But I picture a slightly different me.  Back to that in a minute.

I know it is important to Him when I go to bed.  I know that He would never want to make a rule about that, but if it became really important to our happiness or our health, then I would want Him to make a rule about it.

And I would expect Him to enforce it.  I need help with those kinds of things sometimes.

If we only have one rule, it is fine with me - I don't need a "fake DD" relationship with a random list of rules to create a situation for spanking.  I don't want to know the proper way to spank your wife's bottom or when You can rub it or whatever.  I don't want to hear that spanking and sex don't go together - for us, they absolutely do.  Except when they don't.  And that is okay too.

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I know He doesn't want to change me.  It is not His responsibility to make me more responsible.  He actually loves me as I am.  And, trying to change people is tricky business.  Unless, of course, they want to change.

As it happens, there is one little thing that I want to change about me.  Just one thing.

I have never fully let go with anyone.  I have never loved completely.

Not my son.  Not my friends.  Not God.  Not my parents.  Not even Him.  Not even me.  I have come closest with Him and with my son, but I think I came out of the womb an independent soul.  I function as if I could be left alone at any time.  (Come to think of it, so does He - but that is a different blog.)

Right now, I am not alone.  I am with a man who IS a man.  And, from Him, I want Him to care for me, all of me.  While He can.

I want to feel complete submission to Him.

Every good thing that I am now - a wife, a mom, a business owner, a woman - owes a major piece to Him.  And that was from before.

Everything I have read about a submissive lifestyle, and everything that I have experienced so far, leads me to believe that I have a chance to get there within this framework.

I can't promise that I will be happy if I do get there.  I also can not promise that our relationship will be the same.

I CAN promise that there is no one else that I would want to try this with.

I CAN say that I want to see if I can let go.

You keep asking me to Mean It.  I do.