Breaking a Woman - Part I

I have risen from my bed tonight because I was tossing and turning.  I HAD to write this.  But it is a very touchy subject and I pray that I handle it in the way I need to.  It has at least two parts.  Maybe more.

There are many ways to break a woman.

This is what is scary.

Centuries of evolution have brought women to a point where (American) society accepts that they can stand on their own.  They can speak their own mind.  They can be whatever they make of themselves.

But even then, there are many women whose spirits are beaten down.  Their men break them. And not in a good way.

We pour our time, our hearts and our money into helping women who find themselves on the wrong side of an unequal relationship.  A non-consensual relationship where, in the search for acceptance and love, they have been systematically broken.  And without help, they often can not escape.

The patterns of domestic abuse are well documented - isolation from friends and family; periods of tension followed by increasingly painful abuse and punishment; followed by a period of reconciliation or the Honeymoon phase.  Often the tension and punishments come out of nowhere - a towel isn't hung right; a sentence isn't phrased correctly.  She never knows when a misstep will bring back the anger and the pain.

She is told she can not leave, she is His.

In sharp contrast to that situation, centuries of evolution have also brought women to a point where they struggle to feel feminine within their "equality".  They crave a masculine presence and strong guidance.

If they can match this craving with a willing partner, they express it privately, often away from friends and family; through a negotiated list of behaviors followed by agreed upon punishments and a period of reconciliation or aftercare.  The punishments may still come out of nowhere - a towel isn't hung right; a sentence isn't phrased correctly.

I will say this once and leave it be - just because you negotiated and agreed to something does not mean you consented.  If you agree because you feel you have to in the name of acceptance and love, that does not mean you consented.  And if this is the only lifestyle you have ever known, you were raised this way, I will always find it hard to believe that you consented.  If you are in one of these relationships and you did not consent - I beg you to seek assistance now.

I hope you know that there IS a difference - intellectually and in my bones, I do.  But, I, for one, still struggle with the conditioning of my generation and the fact that this D/s relationship so completely mirrors the cycle of abuse.  Sometimes when I picture where a submissive dynamic can and does go, I picture the wrong version.

I watch blogs that I follow like a hawk for tell-tale signs of abuse, not consent.  It feels like a line we walk.

So for this part, Part I of Breaking a Woman, I wish to interject a different image for when I picture where this can and does go.  The following video is what came to my mind.

To me, being broken is noble, it is nature, it is poetry - it is two creatures displaying a union of strengths without abuse or belittling of either participant. Both are strong, but One is in charge.  THIS - this is the image that I think of when I talk about submission. Being broken - in a majestic way.

To be continued...