Internet

In my post yesterday, Is there a class for this?, I talked about the Internet being the opposite of helpful.  I was actually on guard about this, because there was a time when I was faced with the diagnosis of a not great disease.

In the early days after the diagnosis, our search engines were lit up on this disease.  The information and the misinformation was overwhelming and we finally found a kind woman to explain things rationally to us.  And she was quick to advise - stay off the Internet for now.  She was right and now, I can follow information on line without getting freaked out.

I was trying to use that experience here, but when the subject is both titillating and new (and OMG, the pictures!), it is hard to stay away or to use good judgement on things I read and viewed.  I purposely brought it up yesterday to remind myself of the tendency to become overwhelmed in the face of so much information.

Well, to end yesterday, I did find a very good resource for me.  It seems only fair to share.  After reading Bonnie's blog about the weekly Sunday Brunch (a series I enjoy and find informative, thank you Bonnie!), I decided to check out FetLife.  Many of the Brunchers had warned about the drama and such that could be found there, but others talked about it as a resource for all types of interest's.  And what can I say, I am a social networking kind of gal, so I thought I would give it a go.

I signed in, and poked (ha ha) around a bit and eventually, I came upon a popular group for submissive women.  In their sticky note posts at the top, they have a post on mistakes they made when they were new to the lifestyle.  I read them all.

To be honest, the things they said were good advice for any on-line dating or vanilla situation (mostly) and the stories they shared were often just this side of scary (random Dom's, abuse, etc.), but the important parts were as follows:

1.  The tone of most were sane women who care for themselves and their health and their bodies.  To hear a group of women discussing an alternate lifestyle, but still sounding like well, mature adults, was a relief from the slightly perverse (very immature/kind of over the top) Internet world that is too easy to find. 

2.  There were a lot of reminders in there to be honest early on about limits, needs and desires.  That being a "good sub" does not mean doing everything you are asked.  It means taking care of yourself, which in turn takes care of Him.  I recognized my Master in the good Dom's and I know that I am in a really good place with exploring this.

3.  A lot of people (against the perception) are not into poly relationships or scenes.  I still have fantasies about others - but it is a nice reminder that it does not have to be a given.

I want to answer some of the questions from yesterday and have started a few drafts on that, but in the meantime, I found some of the answers in myself through the experience of others.  So, to the long timers out there - I know that having yet ANOTHER newbie, when there seem to be so many, may be tiring - but, we DO need to hear from you.  Your thoughts and experiences and your sanity may feel totally unique, but a random sentence or share may be exactly what someone is looking for/needing to see.

This is a lifestyle that can cause one to confront their background, religious beliefs, family values and societal pressures - a little wigginess would be expected.

I also pledge to do my part in putting out real stuff for those who may be in my shoes on one day or another.